Dating is stressful right?! And trying to find that perfect man…seems impossible. Especially as a Christian today. So when I heard that Joel Turner was doing a talk at Creation Fest (a Christian festival in Cornwall) on ‘Finding your Spouse’ and Christian dating/relationship advice, I HAD to go, and am I glad I did!
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t experienced a very happy relationship history. I have opened my heart far too wide and experienced a lot of tears, drama and rejection. But girls, I PROMISE you that’s not normal or healthy. God wants FAR better for you than a boy who plays games with your emotions. He wants you to be cherished and protected by a GENTLEMAN. A Godly man who is secure, mature and grounded in Jesus.
Now you’re probably asking ‘What kind of signs should I look for to ensure he is this Godly man?’ and ‘WHERE CAN I FIND HIM?!’ (I know I was!) Well, Joel Turner made some incredible points in his talk that touched my heart so much that I feel the need to share them with you (with personal insights thrown in too!); I know the struggle of being a single Christian. I am 100% with you on this journey, you are not alone!
So after my incredibly long intro… lets start with the book of Ruth!
“Ruth told her mother-in-law, ‘The man with whom I worked today? His name is Boaz.’” (Ruth 2:19)
In Hebrew, ‘Boaz’ is translated to ‘one who stands strong.’ Now this doesn’t mean he was super hench (although who doesn’t love some muscles am I right ladies?!), no Boaz was a strong man of God. He relied, trusted and followed God with every move he made. He put God first, always. Even the first words that he spoke to Ruth made it clear that God was on his heart and on his mind always, “God be with you!” (Ruth 2:3-4) We need to have men by our side that are not afraid to speak about Jesus; men that constantly talk about God because they are so on fire and SO in love with Him. Have you ever heard the Scripture “out of the heart, the mouth speaks”? (Matthew 15:16-20) Well this is totally the same thing; if your man really loves Jesus and has a deep, real relationship with Him then expect him to talk about it! If not, then this may be a warning sign.
TIP: You could ask him to lead a Bible study, or pray together? See his reaction!
Girls, you don’t want to be in a relationship with a lukewarm Christian who only speaks about God if you bring it up first (and even then he gives one word/one sentence answers and then quickly changes the subject.) I’ve been there; it’s so frustrating and disheartening. And I promise you, if you stay with a lukewarm Christian, you will probably end up having a lukewarm relationship. If you can’t speak about Jesus together, spiritually you are incompatible and this only leads to frustration and sadness.
Ok, being a strong man of God isn’t just about speaking about Jesus, it’s also about how he acts in day-to-day life. Is he a hard worker? Could he provide for you? The man is called to be the leader of the family; a provider of stability and security. This is just the way God wants it to be. (But obviously not a controlling dictator either…but you knew that) A leader is often responsible, yet humble.
Observing his family connections can also be a good way to get to know your mans heart. How does he treat his mum and/or sister?? I have heard it said that how a man treats his female family members is how he will treat you. Is he kind and gentle with them? Does he put their priorities above his own? A kind heart and a considerate nature are the top two features girls look for in guys, why? Because kindness makes us feel secure, and loved. Girls you should be treated like a precious gem, you are worth no less!
“She dropped to her knees, then bowed her face to the ground. ‘How does this happen that you should pick me out and treat me so kindly…?’” (Ruth 2:10)
Boaz treated Ruth with special preference right from the start of their relationship, and you deserve this too. “When she got up to work, Boaz ordered his servants: ‘Let her glean where there’s still plenty of grain on the ground – make it easy for her. Better yet, pull some of the good stuff out and leave it for her to glean. Give her special treatment!’” (Ruth 2:15-16)
A guy that is ‘wooing’ a girl should be acting at the best he can be. Sometimes it’s hard to look past his best behavior to see what his true personality is like. Therefore, to get a representation of reality, you need to investigate and see what others say about him. Let his male friends tell you what he’s like on a day-to-day basis. I also totally encourage you to give him a little stalk on his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram…even Pinterest! (We all do it, don’t deny it!) It’s completely fine to observe him from a distance before you even start thinking about a relationship; if you don’t do your homework you might end up with some nasty surprises further down the line. This is some advice I wish I had taken in my earlier dating years. Don’t be too quick to jump into any relationship; sit back, observe and really weigh up every aspect. Would you be a good fit? Don’t be fooled by outward appearance, go beyond the outside and look at the heart.
So basically girls, we need to look to Boaz as our ‘ideal’ Godly man/ our manspiration(?!) A humble, kind, responsible and ‘bursting with love for Jesus’ man is far better for you than a manipulative, secretive, lazy man. And once you’ve found an ‘ideal candidate’ make sure you let him pursue you. Men, as I mentioned before, like to be leaders; and what better way to start a relationship than letting him lead it!
If you are still feeling hopeless, the best piece of advice I can give is to TRUST The Lord! Get busy doing what God has called you to do, and follow your dreams. If you’re always looking for that special man, time will go SO slowly. Try to remain joyful wherever you may be, and your dream man will appear when you least expect it!
TIPS FOR US GIRLIES:
- Be a woman of prayer…whenever you feel low and lonely, speak to your loving Father about it. It ALWAYS makes me feel better afterwards.
- Trust and rely on God.
- Most of all, be content wherever you are! Be a girl boss and live your life to the full. When the timing is right, he WILL come along.
“Everybody in town knows what a courageous woman you are – a real prize!” Ruth 3:10-13
(I would love to hear stories, opinions and feedback from you, so please leave a comment below! If you have any questions please get in contact with me over Twitter!)